Jokes
*1*
Casper was walking down the road when he noticed an old geezer with an unusually small head.
The curious Casper walked up to the geezer and said, "Hey mister! Why the heck is your head so small?"
The old man looked at Casper and replied, "Casper, if I wasn't so damn old, I'd give you a beating... but since you remind me of myself at your age, I will tell you."
Casper listened curiously as the geezer explained, "One day I was fishing on the pier when I got a huge bite... And, I said to myself, 'Holy shit! I've caught a whale!'"
"No kidding?" pried Casper.
The geezer continued, "But, when I reeled it up, to my surprise, it was a gorgeous mermaid! Well, she looked at me in tremendous fright and said she'd grant me one wish if I let her free..."
"And?" interjected Casper.
"Well, after some quick thought, I looked at her and said, 'How 'bout a little head?'"
*2*
A bus carrying only ugly people (AK2003 opponents) crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; He decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.
They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.
The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too."
Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing.
Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be.
The guy calms down and says: " Make 'em all ugly again."
*3*
Moffe had been at a pub all night. At last call, Moffe stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time, to the same result.
He figured he'd crawl outside to get some fresh air, since maybe that would sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the four blocks to his house.
When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face.
He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up.
This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep the second his head hit the pillow.
He was awakened the next morning by his girlfriend shouting, "So you've been out drinking again, have you?!"
"No! What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on his best innocent expression.
"The pub called... you forgot your wheelchair again."
*4*
Mikael bought a brand new Corvette convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head
. "This is great," he thought as he roared up I-75. He pushed the pedal to the metal even more.
Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw Praestiin and Brynnum behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
"I can get away from him with no problem" thought Mikael and he tromped it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph. Then 110, 120 mph.
Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing." He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the cop to catch up with him.
Brynnum pulled in behind the Corvette and walked up to the man. "Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 10 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
Mikael looked at Brynnum and said, "Years ago my wife ran off with a cop, and I thought you were bringing her back"
"Have a good day, Sir," said Brynnum
*5*
Krelle's boat capsizes in the middle of the ocean. He washes up on a deserted island with nothing but the clothes on his back. He builds a small shelter and finds food and water, but he misses civilization more with each passing day.
While walking on the beach one day, he sees a beautiful woman emerge from the ocean wearing a scuba tank and a wetsuit. She says, "You look like you could use a smoke." She unzips a pocket on one arm of her wetsuit, pulls a Cuban cigar from inside, and hands it to the man. Krelle smokes slowly, and tells her that it is the finest cigar that he has ever smoked.
"How about a drink?" the woman asks. She unzips another pocket, reaches in, and pulls out a small flask. "It's a 17-year-old, single malt scotch, aged in oak," the woman tells him. Krelle is almost beside himself with joy as he sips the drink.
The woman then begins unzipping the front of her wetsuit. "Want to play around?" she asks.
"Jesus Christ!" Krelle says. "You have a set of golf clubs in there too?"